Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
