And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
