I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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