dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
