I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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