Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
