I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can't motorboat a personality
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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