I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
