She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
