yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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