you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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