So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
