Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
