Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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