The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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