yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize