Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
