Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
