Sry I called you an 8
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
