it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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