look no pants
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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