I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
