Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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