Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
