I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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