Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
