Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
