I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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