I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
