I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
