I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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