I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
