you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
