You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
