I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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