Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
