How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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