Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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