It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
