dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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