Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
