We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
