you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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