Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
