I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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