In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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