i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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