You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
