Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
