weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
