it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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