Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
