Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
