i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
