He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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