My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Please, let me fuck your mom
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
