Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well you can't waste a boner
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
