I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
